The Hawley Scamper and Other Fascist Dance Follies


I have just learned that we not only live in an age of rampant disinformation and rising fascism, but also, it seems, to my chagrin and horror… the age of Martini Velveta, and maybe it’s time to end the American experiment after all.

I know you’re probably all drowning in Cillizzafied lists about “take away food” from the last January 6 audience, but I think the proper framing looks like four winners and eight losers from Thompson-Cheney Overdrive’s latest Prime Time Smackdown (and six of the losers are Josh Hawley from different angles).

Yes, Mob-Inciting Terrorist Fist Jab’s Journey To Scampering For Dear Life Turns Out To Be A a short, and now young Joshkins finds himself the proud owner of a music video exposing characters sure to follow his autocratic ambitions for the rest of his evil days. Sometimes people are exactly what you think they are.

In a better world, we would spend the next week sifting through the avalanche of internet content eviscerating Hawley, laugh and choose favourites, but we’re trying to get to the bottom of a plot to violently overthrow the federal government, to get back to this whole “peaceful transfer of power” thing, which I myself plan to enjoy more in the future. .. assuming it never happens again.

Either way, this week’s episode was a deep dive into Tangerine Idi Amin’s “Stall Till the Lynching’s Done” strategy as his brigade of brainwashed assholes stormed the Capitol, providing another useful lesson in the dangers of elevating sociopathic narcissists to positions of awesome political power. , entitled, “The one where, goddamn it, Mike Pence’s security called their families to say goodbye.”

Yes, Off-Brand Orbán was basically sitting there, in a puddle of his own filth, glued to the idiot box, Tweeter incentive, hoping that mob violence would succeed where kakistocratic krakens and demented pillow peddlers had failed. The White House sat at the precise intersection of idiocy and evil that day.

Video clips of Manchurian Manchild statements from January 6 and 7 reveal a downright sullen tyrant, as unwilling to condemn the murderous mob as to be forced to eat his peas. His aversion to asking his losing army to ” Stay calmsounds shocking, of course, until you remember there were a few times when Obama did not wear a pin.

And let’s be honest, like excommunicated apostate Adam Kinzinger Noted, Cult45 has no intention of remaining peaceful. You do not believe me ? Ask the former DC cop Michael Fanon.

I know decency isn’t really a “thing” on the right anymore, but could we give it some rest with stochastic terrorism? Please? At least for the duration of Siri, show me how stochastic terrorism works hearings?

No, I guess not. Frankly, with new witnesses come forward, necessitating a whole second wave of televised sessions this autumn, this is exactly when you want to go around, distributing horse heads in beds of potential squealers.

Yet it is quite terrifying to see such rogue witness intimidation perpetrated via the official House GOP Twitter account. It’s a nifty little arrangement they’ve worked out, the chosen ones and their bunch of pets…we’ll provide the permission structure, you’re responsible for “random” acts of violence. Comfortable.

Damn the Deposed Dotard still trying to overthrow the 2020 election, damn AGAIN. Congratulations on finding a depth that even a stinky mushroom like Robin Vos won’t sink to, by the way.

Incidentally, Melania apparently claims that she was unaware of the entire riot, from start to finish, because she was take pictures of a rug. And while that’s ridiculous, bordering on insulting, I imagine that when you spend a lot of time around trump cards, you quickly conclude that lies hardly need plausibility to successfully deceive. (You’ll recall that Eric famously sued for a game of “you’ve got your nose,” seeking to recover the stolen trunk, as well as substantial damages for emotional distress.)

So Garrett Ziegler, a low-level servant of Peter Navarro during the Stupid Coo, won’t be switching to pull-up pants anytime soon, judging by his misogynistic collapse following testimony before the commission on January 6. Looking back, who else but the incels would equip the fast-sinking Shartanic during the last days of Reich Turd?

Yes, that’s quite the grotesque congregation of flies swarming around the turd of late-stage Trumpism. Indicted insurgent bureaucrat Tina Peters, for example, simply won’t stop violating the terms of his engagement, because the laws don’t apply to conservative white women, silly.

In fact, my latest ploy to monetize the blog is a steamy, sultry straight-to-DVD series called Proto-Fascists Gone Wild, capturing all the sleaziest, sluttiest antics in the wad of burst rectal fistulas that make up the House Republican Conference. . I think there is enough material for ten or twenty volumes. Per week.

Arizona’s Andy Biggs must be considered a brownshirt favorite for July, and with him the coveted parking spot ahead at Marm-a-Lago, after inserting the very white nationalist propaganda that inspired several mass shooters in a fucking CONGRESSIONAL HEARING ON GUN VIOLENCE.

Then there is “Dr.” Ronny Jackson, still yelling at Barack Obama lightly administered spanking, and retreat into a traditional, republican, projection of masculinity ritual, screaming COME AND TAKE IT to the phantom liberals he imagines after his guns, because he wants the whole world to know about the tolerance he’s built towards Viagra, I guess.

Meanwhile, Louie Gohmert couldn’t find better use of his ground time than some daffy rant claiming that months after their expiration date, scammers MAGA Diamond and Silk are victims of a vast conspiracy involving… damn, who even knows? Antifa? “Big Tech?” Jade Helm veterans armed with Jewish space lasers?

Now Louie has firmly gripped the crown of dumbest man in Congress for most of his career, but now, in a dumb twilight, he might not even be the most annoying moron in the delegation. from Texas, not with Chip “There’s a Second Amendment Right to Kill” Roy on the prowl. In a last-minute follow-up, Roy ironically proposed a total ban on Let Jamie Raskin point out what an empty-headed Clod Chip Roy is, which should garner the unanimous support of the Freedom Caucus.

Speaking of House Republicans, all hot vote against investigations into Nazis in the military, they or they voted against marriage equality. Then, for good measure, they voted against protecting the right to contraception. Shit, when they set the agenda, expect them to oppose the establishment of a right to sanitary conditions in re-education camps. (Excuse me, Governor DeSantis, “civic boot camps.”)

Ok, so an election denier, Q follower, and neo-Confederate walk into a bar. Only not a bar, the Republican ticket for statewide office in Maryland. Seriously. The winner of the gubernatorial primary, Dan Cox, was accurately described by a member of his own party as a “QAno asshole.” Joined Mastriano, and most likely this maniac in Arizona soon.You know, if you found a way to scientifically rank the Republican candidates of 2022 by level of delusion, Sarah Palin would probably come out in the healthier half. Sleep well.

Incest lover Rudy Giulani has been ordered to testify in the investigation by Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis, which is fine, but make sure you give clear instructions or he’ll end up drunk pleading the fifth in the parking lot behind Grand Jury Pool Cleaning & Supply or some shit.

Also, the sixteen traitorous crotchtumors who planned to sneak into the Electoral College through the back door, wearing trench coats and fake mustaches, learned that they were on their own now. targets of this investigation, and of course they are already whine about it. My advice is: “commit less betrayal”.

But Lindsey Graham, no doubt dreading the scenario in which her cellmate Steve Bannon asserts his dominance and forces her to wash all those crispy layers of shirts, folded after minimal yelping, and now goes comply with his own subpoena. You are too tender for insurrection, Lindsepher; maybe there is an opening for some sort of Proud Boys mascot?

Bannon, by the way, was found guilty of the least of his many crimes, and will indeed take time. You know you really are scum when a presidential pardon isn’t enough to keep you out of jail.

Surely, when one reaches the dizzying and rarefied heights of the loser that only Donald John Trump has seen, the public humiliation becomes addictive. Otherwise, why would you irritably ask the Pulitzer board to withdraw the prizes awarded for reporting on your electoral collusion with a certain hostile foreign power? Why would you waste time, money and energy taking such a stupid, inevitable, useless L, unless you’re all perverted and weird about it?

So President Biden tested positive for Covid, and of course he’s vaxxed and boosted, so he’s fine, not that you know from the Cheers emanating from the right. Pour some good meth on the grave of Uncle Doug who took hydroxychloroquine, I guess.

Friends, this week has been so screwed up that the blog has escaped me. When you remember tonight’s post, imagine I made some hilarious, hilarious comments about the secret service ongoing clusterfuck, the latest unbalanced plots to capture and punish women with the audacity to seek bodily autonomy, and whatever else I may have missed.

With this, I really have to crash, love me. Stay safe, stay hydrated, stay engaged, and above all, stay sexxxxxy. See you next week.

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