Ask Amy: Husband’s apology for stash of little blue pills doesn’t add up


Dear Amy: A while ago, while grabbing some aspirin from my husband’s work backpack, I noticed an unfamiliar pill with the capsules. I webbed it and later looked it up online.

I expected to find a narcotic.

Turns out it was a form of Viagra.

I confronted him about it and he said he was taking them to work so he could “be ready for me” when he got home.

Not only did I call the bull about it, but I insisted he let me have all these sorts of pills to hand out to him at the right time.

Yet weeks later (and again completely suspicious) I found an entire bottle of a new prescription of the same product in the bag.

Again, we had the same confrontation and the same excuse/explanation.

I again insisted that the pills stay on me.

This week alone, a few are missing from the bottle of “happy pills” kept in the cupboard.

He brings them back to work!

I should mention that I have had a myriad of “feminine” issues over the past two years and am recovering from several surgeries.

I haven’t really had a hot trot in quite a while.

If he doesn’t get it from me, does he get it from someone else?

By the way, he works in a casino/hotel… I sometimes wonder how convenient that is.

Am I just paranoid?

– Worry

Dear Worried: If you rummaged through your husband’s belongings, confiscated drugs, and placed yourself as his home pharmacist, I’d say you’ve gone beyond paranoia and become a police officer.

My cursory research on this type of drug (personal note: it’s time to clear my browser history) indicates that it might not work quite as your husband suggests. It is not a drug to be taken before leaving the office and returning home at night.

You’re implying that you and your husband are not currently sexually active, and so, if he’s taking ED reversal medication, but then – not having sex with you – then why is he taking the medication at all ?

At this point, I think you might be feeling the opposite of paranoia, which is denial.

In conclusion, if he doesn’t “get” it from you and is definitely on this drug, you should assume he is getting it from someone else.

You and your husband have further discussions to come regarding the future of your relationship.

You should also be tested for STDs.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been happily together for 15 years and have successfully raised a blended family of independent, successful young adults who are now (happily) out of the home and on their own.

My husband and I, however, seem to have hit the “blas”. We are both extremely committed to our work and our extended families. While we were still affectionate and interested in each other, at night we fall into bed exhausted. I can’t think of the last time we really connected.

No advice?

– In the doldrums

Dear Doldrums: Both of you should start being deliberate in your actions – big and small – until you know where your mojo left off. Was it with the kids? Your elderly parents? Is it at the bottom of your desk drawer?

Start by greeting each other in the evening with a moment of connection, eye contact and a kiss.

Put your phones away during dinner.

If you’re too exhausted to be spontaneous, plan your next intimate encounter: “And you, me, a sip of Courvoisier?” Meet me Friday night!

Dear Amy: I didn’t like your advice to the competitive high school girl (“Lonely at the Top”), who kept beating her best friend in sports her friend loved.

You could let Lonely know that her friend “Maria” is upset because Lonely is considering participating in an activity that Maria is clearly passionate about (ice hockey), just for “fun”.

Is this his real motivation? Maybe Lonely should recognize that his pleasure would be found in another chance to compete with Maria, because Lonely will excel again and Maria will have to eat her dust again.

This is passive-aggressive behavior. Surely there are other sports, clubs, activities for Lonely to practice, without competing with her “best friend”?

– Humble Down

Dear Humble: I feel like ice hockey, ‘Lonely’s’ next pursuit, might be his reward, but I see no reason to discourage a talented athlete from trying to make any team that ‘she wants.

If her sports activities harm her friendship, she will have to “play as it should”.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.


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